So, picture this - there you are, all perpetually single, independent woman, 'I don't need no man' kinda gal, spending your spare time shopping for a crazy cat lady starter kit on the internet. Then one morning you toddle into the kitchen with a hankering for some toast and jam, but try as you might, struggle, grunt and curse, you can't open the feckin' jam jar. And there's not a manly man to be seen for miles.
So, you've two choices - wait for the post man to come around, assuming he has something for you today that is, or bash the top off and chow down on a couple of slices of toast with jam and glass.
Well, my friends, their is another way. Never fear, your singledom remains intact, your independence untainted. Add that crazy cat lady kit to the shopping cart and roll your trakkies back up off those hairy calves of yours, for I, oh blessed readers, have the solution.
I am assuming since you were about to make jam and toast that you have cutlery. No barbarians on this site. Well grab yourself a good hefty dinner knife, one of the ones you could use the handle to put a sizeable dent in your husband's skull if you had a husband. Hold the business end and give the lid of the jar several good wallops on the side with the handle, all the way around.
Before long the centre of the lid should pop up and opening the jar after that will be like taking candy from a baby (though not near as insidious or fun.)
Finding it hard to follow my instruction? Allow me to save the day once more with a little video I made earlier for your convenience.
If by some chance in the future, you happen to shave your legs, reject the whole crazy cat lady idea and go out and find yourself a man, at least it won't be solely to open your jam.
Stay tuned for more on 'How to Open Things.'