This week has been filled with new beginnings. My soul has been drinking in the very essence of change. I feel refreshed and renewed. Just like that, 2015, and all the baggage I collected throughout its duration, was abandoned when 2016 started.
But that’s just it – 2016 started, just like that. No second thought. No second-guessing. Just, boom; it is a new year with a clean page.
I love to read. It is one of my favorite past times. Nothing brings me more happiness than the smell of the pages of a book, or walking into any bookstore and being greeted by so many beautiful book-friends.
One of the best things of all time, when it comes to buying second-hand books, is the small scribbled notes in the margins by the previous owner. It makes me so much more aware of the fact that we are all intricately connected. We are all sharing this life, this earth, these books.
Don’t get me wrong, buying brand new books is an excellent feeling! I get such a rush from knowing that I am the first person to greet this copy of the book…but, it is important to remember those you share something with.
As women with gumption, I know you, dear Readers, understand the importance of being humble enough to remember those you shared your past with – whether it is a significant other or a friend.
Women with gumption understand the need and reason to respect those you have spent a portion of your life with – even if it does mark a difficult time in your life; even if you are better off with them not in your life anymore. Women with gumption know that remembering them is not saying you are stuck in that time with them for the rest of your life. It is just knowing that your past self valued and loved that person, and you, as present you, respect yourself enough not to deny your past that respectful remembrance. Respectful remembrance aims to acknowledge those who have touched your soul, yourself, and your very valid experiences.
This coming Wednesday will be the two year mark of life after a very special and important relationship in my life, ended. The closer it gets to Wednesday the more he is featuring in my dreams and thoughts. I left the pain and the darkness surrounding his memory in 2015 and this year aim to respectfully move forward.
But last year ended so very abruptly.
Just like those scribbled notes in my pre-loved books, I find scribbled and scrawled notes of him and from him all over the book of my life – in the margins, in between sentences, everywhere. And remembering is a complex experience with complex emotions, which (in all honesty) sometimes gets the better of me.
2015 has ended, I know that, and as a woman who believes she has gumption, I am all right with that. However, I am not all right with forgetting and going on as if he were never a part of my heart, as if he is not still a part of my being.
And all of that is okay. This book of my life is okay with having less and less scribbled and scrawled traces of his presence. But what is not okay is ignoring those little traces and pretending they do not exist. Or ever erasing future scribbles. That is the path to disconnection, hurt, and disrespect to those whom you have loved and whom had to go. Respectful remembrance is knowing that your past is your present self.
I truly hope that 2016 is a year in which your life, darling Reader, is one of light, love, and respectful remembrance.
Enjoy the hands who are scribbling and sketching in the margins of the book of your life – some people have fewer pages than others. Revere the hands who have scribbled and sketched and are now beautifying someone else’s book.
It is okay to miss those who are no longer with us – in whichever way they might have exited. Missing them makes us human. And to be human is more than okay.