Tinderella: When Swiping Goes South

Oh, Tinder. As twenty-somethings, one of our favorite past-times is swiping while at a red light or waiting for a latte. In the world of dating, Tinder can be seen as somewhat of a blessing and a curse… but mostly a curse. Trust me, I should know.

IMAGE COURTESY OF TINDER

IMAGE COURTESY OF TINDER

Under the clearly lied about heights, obviously outdated photos, are bios that only showcase what douchebags most of them are. I’m sure a few people have made good connections, however in the sea of bad pick-up lines and too-strong come-ons, this is extremely rare. I was on Tinder on and off for a few months before I deactivated my account. I had a small amount of good conversation, and even reconnected with a few old friends along the way, but it was bad for the most part. There was the guy who wanted me to agree to a Dom/Sub relationship with him in his very first message. Then there was the guy who messaged me in the middle of the night with his address so that I could come over to “hang out.” A guy with whom I go to school who desperately tried to get me to have sex with him during finals week. These are just a few of the bad ones.

Then I met Chris*. We matched in the middle of the night (I’m completely guilty of being a late night swiper) and I woke up to a message from him the next morning. Both of our bios talked about how we were really into nerdy stuff, so we bonded over that immediately. The next day, he’d sent me four messages before I’d even woken up, all hours apart. Now, in retrospect, this was a huge red flag which I chose to ignore. We started texting and we talked on the phone for almost four hours one night before we decided to meet. He liked me so much that he even deleted his Tinder because he said he didn’t want to mess things up with me. It was easy to talk to him on the phone, and we’d been texting for over a week, so I saw it fit to go on my first Tinder date when he asked. He took the lead with plans, or so I thought. He said he’d take care of everything, but come the morning of the day we were set to meet, and he still didn’t have a plan.

We eventually agreed to dinner at a restaurant at the mall, and when he walked in I definitely wasn’t disappointed. I didn’t think he was quite as tall as he’d said, but he was otherwise cute. There wasn’t the awkwardness I’d expected at first, but suddenly we hit a wall and I kept looking at the TV on the wall behind him because, you guys, this was the worst date I’ve ever been on. We ate in silence and when he did talk, it was only to tell incredibly boring stories about himself.

We decided to continue the date in the mall. "There’s a carousel," I suggested, thinking that maybe that would liven things up a bit. “They’re too fast,” He said. 

Eventually, we ended up in a video game store, one of the things we’d bonded over. He completely ignored me. I honestly wish that I had left just to see if he noticed. After this, we went on to another store where the trend continued and into the bookstore where we got separated, and I honestly didn’t give two shits.

When we were leaving the mall, our hands accidently hit as we were walking, and I prayed to God not to let him grab my hand, thinking I’d hit him on purpose. But he did, and it was actually really nice. Easily the best part of the night. Until we got outside. You see, on the way there it was pouring with rain. Summer rain in Florida can be pretty bad, but this was full on hurricane status. When we left the mall there was some residual rain. He had an umbrella, but rather than open it or take refuge under something that would keep us dry, we stood out in the rain while he called the place we’d decided to go to next. I still don’t get the logic behind this, but whatever.

We ended up at an indoor/outdoor golf place and I was semi-hopeful for the rest of the night. First of all, we had no idea how expensive it was going to be. We had to buy membership cards, and then it was $40 an hour to play… per person. He asked if we could split it, which is fine because I mean c’mon... plus he’d paid for dinner. I agreed, then my card got declined not once but twice, even though I had the money to cover it. When we finally started playing, it seemed like we were having fun, with only one minor glitch when I hit the ball and it ricocheted, hitting the ceiling and then the people next to us, but I digress. Everything seemed okay until we left, and on the way home he didn’t say a single word. Not. Even. One.

We got to my house and I said I had fun to be polite and that if he wanted to hang out again to text me. He said he would, and that was it. I sent him a text the next day thanking him for dinner, and he said he had fun. That was it. A few days later he unfriended me on Facebook, never to be heard from again.

*name changed to protect his identity