Finally it happened, the guy you have been dating since forever, finally popped the question! And guess what? You actually said "Yes" and I am thrilled to see you happy and blessed beyond what you've ever imagined or dreamed. Since our childhood this was 'the talk of the party' and we had these constant "if he asks me, he needs to..." moments. So evidently, this is where we all cheer and be happy for you.
Needless to say, the planning for your wedding starts immediately. We all know most girls have dreamt of this day since kindergarten and it feels like it will never happen to you, until it does. It's here, I knew it was just a matter of time. I am so excited to see you make one of the most life-altering decisions in front of all the witnesses you added to that famous "guest list".
However, my dearest friend, even though you mean the world to me, the moment I dread most is that moment your lips move to ask me: "will you be my bridesmaid?"
Wow, I am flattered that from all of your friends, I am one of the chosen few who gets to carry your bouquet when your rings are exchanged. It should be one of those moments that I am speechlessly grateful, thankful and happy, but I'm not. It's not because I don't love you, want to support you, am jealous, or any of those nasty things.
These are the reasons why I would decline your generous proposal:
1) More than one bridesmaid is just too much
Yes, I am saying pick only one. "That's not fair, what about my sister, my niece, etc." well then pick one of them. I really don't mind. Why? Have you ever been in a meeting where there is no conclusion and you walk away more confused than entering? This happens with a bridesmaid party of more than one. We love you so much we all think we know you the best. We all want to plan the best bridal shower and end up having huge fights because our own opinion counts more than the others'. Each one speaks her mind and the final result is one happy bridesmaid who got her way, leaving the rest are grumpy. So give it to the one who know you the best, and on't think this doesn't happen, because it does. It doesn't matter how mature, fun, or organized any of those girls are. It's just a matter of time before the strongest opinion wins.
2) That dress you want me to wear
Ever watched the movie 27 dresses? Yes, I know it looks incredible on a model who wears a size 6 and Google makes every dress look like the perfect dress for your wedding. I am not a size 6. I do not look good in something fairy, glittery, pale, fluffy, puffy and everything that goes with it. Yes, it's your day and your choice, but those photos afterwards tend to show me at that funny angle where I end up looking worse than my terrible outfit days. If you make me pay for something for your special day, make sure I get to wear it afterwards as well. Tell me from the start what your expectations are with regard to jewelry, shoes, hair and make-up. Don't make it up as you go along, this will just confuse me and only leave space for miscommunication. Choose wisely.
3) The amount of money it costs to be part of that glamorous day of yours
Well firstly, funds are limited. You want to have the best bridal shower and all those perfect gifts, pedicures, manicures and everything-you-want. Of course I want to give it to you, I love you to bits and want the best for you. But unfortunately I haven't robbed a bank and didn't marry a Hollywood superstar, so please keep in mind that I partly contribute to your bridal shower, I buy you gifts, I pay for the dress (which I might never wear), jewelry, shoes (which took me hours to find), hair and make-up. Afterwards I end up with a huge bill which I cannot really afford. Yes, there are ways to save money, and your mom is supposed to pay for everything. However, your parents' funds are also limited and they are already paying for the wedding. Please keep that in mind, and don't drag me into the pity party if your parents say "no" to something due to insufficient funds.
4) All work and no play
My dearest friend, I know you and I love you to bits, but I know you too well. I want to make the day perfect according to each little detail you want. But I am not a superhero and I cannot make miracles happen. I am just a human. If your wedding isn't perfect in EVERY way, so what - nobody knows except you. Focus on the things that went well and ignore the ones that did not. It's a choice - choose.
Also, to think you assigned me to work the whole evening to serve you. I would love to do that, but (once again) I am only human and might need to take a rest from those impossible heels you made me wear. Hire somebody to do the "nitty gritty" stuff nobody likes doing and let's have a ball together. Being a bridezilla never helped anybody get anything done, we all just hurt each other's feelings and end up with broken relationships. I want to spend the night having a feast with you, because you finally got married; but being your bridesmaid, isn't the way to go.
However, this is why I can't say no to you:
1) You are my friend. I want you to have the best of everything and I would give my very last cent. We dreamt about this day and I know you think the best way to celebrate it is with me. I appreciate it a lot! I can't imagine not being in the photos of the "selected few".
2) I will wear a silly costume if you ask me to. I won't like it, but I will do it, because I love you. I will never tell you how I feel about it, because it's all about you and your day.
3) I LLLOOOOVVVVEEE speeches. I love telling people what you mean to me, how we grew up together and having a laugh due to the "wedding book" you made in Grade 1. I want to tell everybody what a great human being you are and what an awesome wife the hubby-to-be is getting. I want to scream out that this is one of the best moments in my life, seeing you happy and in love.
4) I love you. You are my family. I will never hurt your feelings by declining your offer. I will bend a spoon for you, if need be. I will listen to everybody's opinion and settle for someone else's.
I will take whatever you throw my way, maybe have a quarrel or two, maybe end up without you the rest of my life. But I will do it because I love you.
My dearest friend, I am in a constant battle. Every reasonable reason why I should decline your offer resonates constantly in my mind. Then, my emotional love for you, my friend, silences it.
So my friend, this is my yes.
Through thick and thin,