"What are you still doing here?"

"What are you still doing here?" 

I probably hear that about five times a day, no matter what job I'm at.  

I've had the same shitty part-time job since I was a senior in high school. That was five years ago. Now, I'm a college graduate, and basically everyone I know expects me to have a full-time job with a 401 (k).

That's not the case. Actually, aside from having that shitty part-time job I mentioned above, I have acquired two other (pretty awesome, actually) part time jobs. And a fourth one, on the side. Not to mention that I run my own online magazine and I also do some work for a local film production company.  

This is all great, right? Yes it is. I'm not even complaining. Some people don't even have one job, so I'm really lucky to have, like, six of them.  

I think its people's expectations that really piss me off. I never expected to get the exact job I've been dreaming of immediately after college. It takes time. This one elderly lady at my one job said to me a few months ago, straight up, "Why don't you have a job? Everyone else does." To which I think I replied, "I have four" or something like that. She's passed away since then, so God rest her soul, but seriously? Saying that to a recent college grad is like a stab in the neck.  

We all want jobs. Everyone from the class of 2016 wants a damn job. But deep down, we really want more than that. I have several jobs, but I want more. Right now, I'm striving to make a happy difference in someone's day, because that's pretty much all that my current jobs can allow me to do. I work at a grocery store, at a restaurant, and at a local gym. I also do pet sitting, "on the side." So, I see lots and lots of people every day. I probably say "Hi, how are you?" and "Have a great day!" a thousand times a day. But if that and a smile makes all the difference in someone's day, then who am I to complain?  

So, yeah, I want a full-time job. But in actuality, if I'm not going to be making a difference, I'm never going to be satisfied.  

Someone at my restaurant job said to me, "When are you gonna get the hell out of here? You should move to Colorado." And then he continued to tell me how horrible the people are around where I live, and that the problem with Pennsylvania really is the people. He said that once I "move the hell away" I'll understand. Okay, dude. Maybe he's right. But, he's probably like 67 years old with a retirement fund. I don't have lots of money to throw away on a spontaneous trip to Colorado.  

I would love to "move the hell out of here." But, only if I'm going to make an impact. I don't want to get another pointless job. I don't want to move somewhere pointless. But that's the thing about life--you can't strategically plan all your shit out in life. I have no idea where my next move is going to be. But it's going to happen. One of these days, I'm actually going to get one of the hundreds of jobs I've applied to, and then everything is going to change. Right?  

Right. Except for I think what I'm really afraid of is that I'll never find the life that I'm craving. I want to a find a job where I'm happy, and where I actually impact other people's lives--I also want to change my own. So many people complain about their jobs, and they dread their daily lives...I don't want that to be me! Although, let me tell you, I'll gladly work 60 hours a week at my dream job. If I can work 60 hours a week now asking people what toppings they want on their pizza, I can work all those hours at my dream job.  

All I'm doing right now is saving money for my big move. And I have no idea where I'm going or when it'll happen. 

But one comforting thought is that whenever it happens,  all the locals can stop asking me what the hell I'm still doing here.