The Definitive List of Life Rules (Part 3)

  • Pay Attention to How You Speak to Yourself...

...then change it.

I say this because, unless you’ve done exercises in this area before, I guarantee that you’re not so terribly nice to yourself. Listen out for the little voice in your head. It usually pops up with a negative run through of events just before you go into a meeting or have a conversation you’ve been putting off, or just after you have an ‘amazing’ idea. It’ll be the one that says this isn’t going to work, you’re stupid for thinking you can pull this off; it’s the one that says I should have stayed at home where it’s safe. This voice tells you they’re bitching behind your back because you remember that time it happened before, right? In short, this is the voice that quashes inspiration and hope, it’s the voice that puts you back in your corner; it’s the voice that’s just plain mean at times, and you need to shut it up and be kinder to yourself.

But you can’t get mad at it. This is your ego speaking and its sole purpose is to protect you. The ego wants to maintain the status quo, it wants to keep your aspirations under control so you don’t get any ideas about stepping out of the comfort zone. The trick is to hear the voice, recognize it for what it’s doing, even be appreciative of its efforts, but then put it down. Tell it you understand but its ways aren’t going to get you where you want to go so we’ll be rejecting that input now, thank you, conversation over.

Listen also to what it says about other people, then silence it too by reminding yourself you have no idea what that person’s story is. Maybe they're not as lucky as you; maybe they haven’t learned to quiet that tyrannical voice that has them trapped and defensive.

In both cases, I promise you’ll be shocked. I promise at first you’ll have a pounding headache trying to gain control over these inputs, but day by day that voice will get quieter, you’ll find you’ve more empathy for yourself and others, and soon the inputs will be few and far between. Even then there will still be times when it’s completely on the warpath, but it’s okay – just the fact that you’re hearing it and you’re aware it’s there is progress in itself.

  • Ask

If you want something, ask for it. And I don’t just mean asking your boss for that perk, or that guy with the great list of contacts to hook you up. Who else is there? The Universe, that’s who. But... How to ask the Universe?

Well, first you’ve got to figure out exactly what it is you want. Write it down, brainstorm it. Go into ridiculous detail. Is it wealth? Then what will it take for you to feel wealthy? Is it a huge house? Then plan that house, the rooms, the layout, the fixtures and fittings. Do you want to travel the world to feel rich? Then where would you go first, and second, and after that? Do you want to bathe in a pool of your money like Scrooge McDuck?

Whatever it is that floats your boat, get clear, get concise, get down to the nitty gritty of exactly what it is you want. And that, my friend, is how you ask. Everything you do from that point on will be in line with your desire. You will naturally find yourself doing things and making choices that further your cause.

Don’t get hung up on the how or the when. These are not your concern. Your job is the ‘what’, and then having a mind and eyes open enough to spot opportunities when they arise. Don’t limit yourself by designing ‘exactly’ how it will all come about, this is blocking the flow of opportunity. There are infinite possible ways your dreams can come true. Be open to any and all.

And don’t worry about being greedy either. You’re as entitled as the next person to have it all.

  • Dream Big

Not one second in our future, not even the second following this one, is guaranteed. Therefore, what we call ‘the future’ is nothing more than a daydream, so if you’re going to think about the future, think about an extraordinary one, think about success, think about all the things you never let yourself dream about, then imagine yourself achieving these dreams.

Feels good doesn’t it? We’re so used to telling ourselves we shouldn’t want that, or shouldn’t aim too high in case we have our hopes dashed. But when we do this, when we stop that daydream in its tracks with this kind of reasoning it just doesn’t feel good. Why? Because we’re denying ourselves possibilities our souls our begging for us to ‘go for.’ Who will care if we indulge? We don’t need to talk about our dreams if we don’t want to. And if it doesn’t happen straight away, the only way our hopes will be dashed is if we stop hoping. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and begin again from where you are.

Daydreaming is not a waste of time. Daydreaming makes us feel good, it makes us believe in miracles, it gushes positivity into the universe, and according to the law of attraction, what you put out you get in. Daydreams are the brainstorms of the soul. So daydream the shit out of it, imagine it as if it was real, feel the feelings you would feel if it was real. The future is not there waiting for us. We create it for ourselves by the power of our imagination. And this isn’t magic, it’s common sense; if you decide on something you want, no matter how unreasonable or ‘impossible’, the next logical move is to take the steps to get there.

And when you’re finished daydreaming, you say ‘yep, I’ll have this or something better, thanks.’ When we get specific on what we want we can become set on that outcome and only that, but sometimes what we think we want isn’t always our highest good. We don't believe we could go even higher and bigger, or that we're worthy of something higher and bigger. However, if we’re open to ‘this or something better’ then we’re not holding on to a specific set of outcomes; we’re letting ourselves and the Universe know we’re never, ever going to prepare for, expect or settle for less, and nor should we.

Remember – realism is a socially acceptable form of pessimism.


Coming up: The Definitive List of Life Rules (Part 4)